What They Don't Tell You.

The WOMBATS told me that I'm up to 131 degrees. I should be ecstatic. Should be. But what they don't tell you about "getting your range of motion back" is that it doesn't really include getting the strength back, the flexibility back, and the OwPleaseStopPullingSoMuchWhat'sHappening feeling leaving any time soon. So, laying on my back, I can pull my own leg up (using just my battered hamstring) to about 126. Then I can pull it (semi-comfortably [though the word "comfortable" has a whole new meaning to me at the moment]) using my hands or scooting down towards it and today was at 131, with only mild STOPMkayTHANKS feelings. But how is that practical? I do mini-squats and my goddamn quad shakes like it's made of fucking jello or something. And my body looks like jello at the moment too, which I'm also not pleased about.

I can sort of walk properly (if I really work on BendHeelToeBendHeelToe), it kind of tries to hyper extend at certain moments, the hamstring attachment (that's the really hurty place that was inhibiting a lot of the bend last week) is still really irritated but now that they're sure that's what it is, Amy did some massage on it and that helped a Ton. There's a lot of pulling on the bottom of my quad, where one of the scars is. My chiropractor "talked" to my knee (no, seriously, I actually believe that he did. He also made some of the swelling go down somehow.) and said that "it's really bruised up...and really beaten up....but they did a really good job." Jesus H. Christ I hope it's true. And even if it's not, I just need to believe him anyways.

I have to go take a software proficiency test to be in the "temp" pool for The University that I'd like to get some part time hours out of. You know the other thing they don't tell you? They don't tell you that your MFA doesn't mean anything if you don't know how to make an Excel document. Sad, huh. Hopefully I'll know enough for the test. I got a part time position as a personal trainer (which I'd rather do SO MUCH MORE than temping) at a small clinic which I'm really excited about. I start that next week I think.

My brain is still foggy, I usually know what day it is but the fact that I have PT on M, W, F and I already had it once this week helps me to remember that "oh, it must be Wednesday." I can't remember times of appointments that I made or what I need to do today or tomorrow or how long I slept or anything. Hormones or the last dregs of vicodin leaving my system. Who knows.

So what do you do when someone asks you what you want for your birthday and really the only answer is "my old normal life back".

Great now I'm crying.

I guess some stuff for my new apartment would be nice too. That answer scares people away a little bit less.

Here are pictures from today, 3 weeks (actually, 3 weeks and 1 day) after ACL surgery. It doesn't even look like anything fucking happened. I've had rope burns 10 times worse that the stupid like scratches on my leg. Lame. I wish it felt as good on the inside as it looks on the outside (except for the pale fatty thing going on. Ignore that.)

In the photo below, the little diagonal mark above my knee cap is the place that pulls a lot. Methinks that's where they had to go through the muscle to get to bone and crap. But who the hell knows. It's still a bit swollen. The 2 little up and down marks (actually they're all "X"s but the cross part healed completely already) are right on the sides/on the knee cap. So yeah. Still sort of swollen up on that QuadBump.

Semi-Graphic Knee Pictures Ahead.

Ok. Scroll down to see pictures of the Gnometenna Removal Site. In retrospect, it's a little more gross than I remember, but it's not the worst thing I've ever seen posted on the internet.



Mom helped me wash my hair today using the doggie shower attachment thing. I don't know why Vinnie doesn't like baths, it really felt quite nice. I sat on an ottoman next to the tub with my leg up on a chair and sort of had to hold my neck up over the tub. A neck and abs workout. (Not so much with the abs. It was really quite easy.)



I'm getting better at the MiddleOftheNight pain management. (kept a banana next to my bed, my body oh-so-smartly woke me up at 4:30, 20 minutes before the stuff was going to wear off...I ate some banana, popped some V to the Max, and fell back asleep.) I'm still less good at the waking up in the morning and the OhManIt'sAllWornOffHolyCrap time. This morning it was my hamstring and quad again. Felt like they were at war. With my body. Trying to escape. Good thing I have strong skin to keep them in.



The stitches site (which I saw from the picture, there are more than I thought...I must've blocked it out while Changing of the Dressings was happening) sort of burns and tingles today. I'll be happy when they take 'em out on Monday. Then hopefully I'll be able to bend it without feeling like Frankenstein.



I was sad to have missed rehearsal last night. Just being there is really healing and positive for me. Feeling useful does wonders for my spirit.



My friend Emily (who's also in the aerial company) called me from Florida this morning. Not going to lie, it made me cry to hear from her. This damn injury must've broken my ThickSkinSwallowYourFeelings button. Which is guess isn't necessarily a bad thing.



Cassie-Moo's ESP is starting to creep me out a little bit. Every time I get even slightly upset or start to be in pain, there she comes, trotting up the stairs and jumps onto my bed and curls up by my knee. It's amazing and creepy. But mostly amazing.



Oh, and I found a comfortable sleeping position last night. So maybe I'll take a picture of my HallofthePillowMountianKing (bohm boh bohm boh bum bum bum! bum bum bum! bum bum bum!)



Ok. Pictures below. See...it really happened. No lies. (Clicking on them makes them full screen big. You've been warned.)

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Original last layer of dressings. Look! It's really not too swollen, right?!? (Ok, it is a little bit)


A portrait of the Gnome!! (Bloody gauze pads on left side for horror film effect)


I should've been a doctor. Total pro re-wrapping job. (And Vinnie helped.)