Almost a Quarter.

So, after yesterday's WHAT THE FUCK, LIFE?! I decided to really let today just be a new day.

I had PT today and have been spending most of the day dealing with bills (oh my god don't ever tear your ACL. I'm worth more dead than alive.) Exel spread sheets (my dad taught me some great tricks on that program), budgeting for the show, and trying to get some work done that I've been putting off for weeks.
I want to be able to do a lot of apartment stuff tomorrow. It's my birthday, I should be able to spend it doing fun stuff. I keep getting people who don't believe how old I am when I tell them that it's my "golden birthday tomorrow!" (Ok guess how old I am) One of the interns at physical therapy didn't believe me. WHAT?!! One of the girls said. Really?!?! Somone else thought I was in my teens the other day. I guess I'm lucky that I have nice skin or something. Or that I'm short and chubby. Grr.

I successfully trained my first client this morning. No one died, he sweated a lot, and I think I was a little shy but the confidence with that will come with time. I think i'm going to enjoy that job...assuming I can get a little more of a "regular" schedule with them.

My body had a fight or flight response in PT today.
We were working on the layingonyourstomachbendingyourlegtotouchyourheeltoyourbutt stretch that made me cry a few weeks ago...and the hamstring stuff just fucking hurts so much...and I consider myself to have pretty high pain tolerance, but my therapist was really pushing it today and she got to that point when you're stretching where it starts to feel really hot and uncomfortable and OhMyGodICan'tBreatheDangerDangerABORTABORTStopOHStop! And then your muscles tense up and the comment she made was "wow...your heart is racing...I can feel it behind your leg!" But she kept at it and quietly encouraged me to relax and quickly started asking me questions to destract me. And you know what? It actually sort of worked. Funny how well your brain can multi-task but the pain center and the Try-And-Remember-What-You-Did-This-Weekend must be in a similar area of the brain because once I started to try and remember the pain was less...well...insane. When I flipped over onto my back for the other bending stuff, it felt like I had just run a marathon. Literally. My legs were jello. So. Fucking. Weird.

We got past the BodyWantsToJumpThroughPlateGlassWindowInFrontOfMe stage and I felt things just stretch instead of ohGod. It still hurt, but it was a managable hurt. Mostly. JesusH. But I'm about 3 inches away from my heel touching my butt. With a lot of help. And a lot of pain. Still quite a ways to go. But it's something.

What a strange place to be [strike] I didn't think I'd be spending my [strike] My birthdays have been so radically different from each other for the past few years. [strike]
hmm. no. I think that last one is right.

My birthdays have been so radically different from each other for the past few years.

So I have a question. When I turn 25, does my ACL turn 32? (Remember, the graft--that whole "31 year old female thing...) Is the ACL's birthday on the day of surgery? Should I really not worry about it?

Organize Life.

My hamstring still hurts like a mother fucker. Excuse the language, but now that a lot of the "surgery" stuff seems to be healing, I can sort of pin-point where the actual pain is. (No, I didn't get the hamstring graft, I got a doner graft...so the hamstring should not have been touched.)

I don't know if it's from the original injury or if it's at the attachment point on the fibula and just radiating up or what the fuck is going on, but it's really getting on my nerves. It's the kind of dull aching annoying pain that makes you [want to? no. it's made me.] cry after a while because it JUST ISN'T GETTING BETTER and I tried to put cans in a low cabinet in my apartment today and I CAN'T SQUAT DOWN GODDAMNIT.

I keep thinking that organizing my clothes, or my desk, or my closets, or my kitchen will make me feel better. But it's not working today.

I felt like a total moron trying to get ads placed for the show I'm producing and there's nothing I can do about it today because it's easter sunday. And the Container Store was closed so I couldn't finish my organizing, so THANKS A LOT CONTAINER STORE.

I had an awesome day yesterday...it was like grad school again. Got up at 6, did theatre from 9-4...grabbed some dinner...and saw a show at 8 and got home at 11. JUST like grad school. And theatre all day. I'll write about that more when it won't be overshadowed by AARRRRGG WHAT THE FUCK LIFE?!?

The Twitch of 2008.

Ok. So.
When you're starting to doze off in front of a movie, try really really hard not to twitch (you know, the "falling asleep twitch".) Because I don't think that it was my right leg that actually did all the moving, but it certainly moved with the rest of my body. And Holy Shit. After taking such careful care on how quickly I've been moving it (aka, turtle pace)...the Twitch of 2008 pretty much made any and all vicodin that was attempting to work instantly wear off. Joy.

My hamstring and quad has really been sore today. They told me it would happen. I don't understand the mechanics. I believed them, I was just thinking "maybe it won't if it hasn't by now." Well, today was the now. Actually to remember correctly I seem to think that I complained about my hamstring as I was waking up in recovery. Like...a tiny little section of it. (No, didn't get the hammy graft...it just hurt for whatever reason.)

After the drugs magically stopped working from the Twitch of 2008, I was sort of squirmy and teary and my mom came in to help me put on my boyfriend to make it feel better. She had sent me an e-mail with funny cat and puppy pictures in silly sleeping positions. I instantly logged in to http://icanhascheezburger.com and we laughed and laughed. I'm telling you, it was better than vicodin. Srysly.