Wednesday, October 17, 2007

An Open Letter.

Dear airforce NUTRISODA "RENEW" flavor,

The side of your can promises that I will feel "pure and alive" after drinking your zero sugar zero caffeine zero sodium zero aspartame fifteen calories (what?!?! where are those calories coming from!?!?) soda. In your very pretty robin egg blue skinny can, you boast your healthy herbey goodness and "natural fruit flavors". "RENEW" happens to be watermelon + blueberry.
Upon opening said pretty can, I am met with the smell of Flinstones Vitamins that have been stored in an old sock.

Perhaps a rabid raccoon's ABC'd watermelon Bubble-Yum mixed with cream soda and poison aftertaste is renewing to some, but to me, well, I'm glad that it's caffine free, at least.
Maybe it's the Acerola Cherry Extract or the Potassium Benzoate. Either way, I'll be sure to check the labels for "CALM" "SLENDER" and "IMMUNIZE" to make sure they contain less of these, um, ingredients.


p.s. "CALM". oo. yeah. cough syup mixed with pine-sol. and not in a fun flaming homer type way. "wildberry+citron". for shame, NUTRISODA. for shame.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I could not agree more. If you are smart, you will just steer clear.