Monday, May 19, 2008

3 Months.

Happy 3 months New ACL.

My check-up a few days ago was uneventful, mostly with the doctor admiring his handy-work. Talking to the med student (who looked to be about 12) more than me..."Now, this patient had a doner graft ACL reconstruction, healing perfectly, if someone were to feel this [rubs his finger along the scar to the lower medial side of my kneecap] they wouldn't believe she ever had leg surgery."



The good thing about the visit though, is that he said I could SLOWLY start trying to do some knee hangs again. I.E., start training.
"Soft tissue takes 12 months to heal. But I'm not going to limit you to 12 months. Just no side to side yet and GO SLOWLY."

The thing that I've been wanting to hear the most ever since the day of the injury happened. Go back to normal, so to speak.

While I've been desperately wanting to start training again, there's a part of me that's now feeling I have to face that thing of getting back into shape, and re-learning, and retracing steps that I've already done. And I need to start to deal with the fear associated with trying to trust my body again. What are the limits that I can go to? Are there any? There will be for the next few months still...but after that...then what?

Beth had a good point in that she pointed out that "you like the training part. you like the learning part. love the fact that you're sore and are getting back to it."

A wise thing to say, and a good way to shift my attitude about it. Can't say that I'll totally take away the frustration that'll be there, but it's a start.

It definately feels better every day, though last week was frustrating because it felt like it was regressing slightly, sort of wonky, not feeling great, quad hurt, blah blahBLAH. But it's doing ok today.

When I first realized I was going to need to get this thing fixed, my biggest 'bummer' of the whole thing was that I was going to be missing being in a show with my aerial company. After hearing the time line for 'healing', (and adjusting for my own personal Bad-Ass Quotent and Stubbornness Factor) I put myself at being able to "do stuff" right around when the show opened.

How ironic. And true.

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