Monday, July 21, 2008


I did an ankle hang on the trapeze today...something that my knee was saying a big NO THANKSMKAYTRY AGAIN NEXT TIMEKBYE even just a few days ago.

I should be more excited about it. I keep thinking that these little victories will be more like huge celebrations...that I'll get all emotional or something. And there were even people around when I did the trick today.

But there was nothing.

A small "yay"...but mostly, it doesn't seem like a big deal. Is it? Isn't it?

I'm in a complete creative black hole, and it's sucking me down deeper into whatever the hell it is that I'm trying to fight off. I'm falling into negative assumptions about everyone, myself, my friends, my life, everything. I'm a horrid choreographer (it's never been my job...) and I desperately want to start putting acts together. But I just can't. I listen to my music and I can see how it feels or what fucking colors the piece is suppose to be...but I can't think of the moves.tricks.sequences.whatever.

I feel like that one part in the Neverending know...that bog part...where it's know.


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