Running.

Things seem to change so quickly that on one hand I wish I'd write more of it down, and on the other hand by the time I write it it's almost like it didn't even happen.

In the past 2 weeks...

I...

Uh...

Let's see...

Wore a short blue wig and juggled for a bunch of drug company upity ups, helped move the aerial dance company's space, tasted a 25 year old tawny port, cleaned my apartment 3 times, got a few new clients, had one of my clients tell me that she loves exercising with me and I better not ever quit or "I'll [she'll] follow you" (that was nice to hear), did a 2 day shoot for Dave and Busters where I had to hang out in an arcade for 12 hours a day sitting in front of windex sprayed food and salt filled beer (it keeps a foamy head on top so it looks fresh), wore high heels for a few hours which made my knee hurt a lot...

and today I ran on a treadmill in physical therapy for the first time in three and a half months.

I just got a new client that is rehabbing from a car accident (she's pretty much totally better). Did an assesment yesterday and she was talking about how hard it's been to be so limited and feel like "a 95 year old woman who can't do anything". That it's been like, "6 weeks and I'm so Frustrated...I'm finally feeling mostly back to normal but it's taken Forever!"

...

6 weeks.

"Forever".

When I kept telling her that "I understand too well" I'm not sure if she really got just How Much. 6 weeks? SIX WEEKS? I started to be able to walk without a limp at 6 weeks. Try 12 weeks. Or, no, 14...I think. And things still aren't "normal". I'm in that growly angry place of ThisisnevergoingtogetbetterandwhyisittakingsofuckinglongandwhydoesitstillhurtinadifferentwayandOhMyGodi'mSOoverit. I understand where she's coming from, and while I can be, nay, Am highly compassionate about it, part of me is like...yeah..._____. (That's me not really knowing what to say.)

I thought that running on a treadmill might make me sort of proud of myself today, but it mostly felt like I was being mocked. I don't know by who or what, but it was like my body was patronizing me.

And I felt [strike that] Was all jiggly. Everywhere. Gross.

Oops, sorry, my insecurity is showing.

I should quit writing for the day while my censor is still working a little bit.