Sunday, March 2, 2008

Almost 2 Weeks.

It doesn't feel like it, but it's only been Almost 2 Weeks since Gnometenna Removal 2008. It feels like months. Feb 19th. It's now March 2nd. March. When the fuck did that happen?! Yeah. 12 days ago. That makes no sense to my poor brain.

Got out of the house last nigth with Auntie and Uncle, so that was really nice. Wore clothes that weren't sweat pants and felt a little bit more like a functioning member of society. Uncle used his built in gnomeometer skills and said that my bend is probably around 98 degrees. Cool. Small improvements. Though this morning I felt all tight and tired and there's this one spot that just hurts. I want to know what it is. Is is where the graft is attached? Is it the bone bruise? Is it a bumped hamstring tendon? What?!!? I wish I had X-Ray vision.

I got a package of awesome stuff from a friend in Cambridge, UK yesterday. Really made my day.

I'm sort of (*snort*. "sort of". right. how about "Big Time") in a cranky mood today. Exercises were difficult this morning and I'm worried about work (and the lack of doing it), I feel totally and completely Outta Sight Outta Mind with some important people in my life (though I've talked to a few people that I didn't expect to hear from, so that was nice), I can't drive anywhere (though honestly where would I go), and this rehab/recovery is feeling less and less "temporary" as the days go by. I know it is temporary, but I have all sorts of horrible feelings float in every so often of ohshitwhatifthisisn'ttemporaryican'tseetheforrestdangerdangerdanger. I just need a lot of encouragement I think. Maybe I haven't told people exactly how much I need. Maybe I should do that. Oh how I wish people could read my mind. I feel silly wishing that I would get hundreds (ok not hundreds.) of calls every day from people just checking in. "You're doing great" "Thinking about you" "Etc. Etc." Fact of the matter is I have had some of these calls which, again, is really nice. On Cranky Days the people who aren't around seem to push their way into my mind more. Unfortunately.

I love my theracane but it is not making my upper back feel much better. I feel like my shoulderblades are covered in rocks. I'm super thirsty but don't really want to drink anything, sort of hungry but I think I might just be bored, feel like I want to just go RUNNING but we know that that's not going to happen for a while, sort of on the edge of tears but "what's the point"...maybe a small case of the stir-crazies are setting in.

Maybe I'll start reading that book Kiersten sent. Though I'm not going to get paid for doing that. I never thought I'd say that I really wish I could drive into work today.

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