I guess not really too many Changes, but tomorrow it'll be 1 month post op. Swear to God it feels like years. I think I've forgotten the meaning of the word "cardio" or "sweat".
Oh. Today physical therapy was awesome. Like, my leg is starting to feel like an almost correctly functioning leg. Like the muscles want to do the right thing. They're just thinking about it. But it felt like they were at least trying to see it my way today. So that was nice. WOMBATS told me 140. So, cool, right? A few more degrees this week and then I need to work on getting to the 145 WITHOUT "warming up to it" for an hour. Yeah. That'll be nice. I got on the bike today and rode it for 13 minutes and 30 seconds. At like, an actual quick pace...usually it takes a little while to even get the stupid thing to register that someone's riding it...but today it actually felt sort of good. It was a very good day at PT. Except for that damn hamstring tendon thing. A pox on it!
I painted The Little Apartment That Could yesterday (really? yesterday? holy crap it feels like last week) and probably was up on my feet for way too long. (and standing on chairs and bending and stretching so let's keep that between you and me and not tell my PT Mkay?) Then today after my session I went and lugged a bunch of books up 2 flights of stairs. It took awhile. And my knee sort of hurts like a bitch right now. So, oops. But I also worked it a lot at PT, so it's probably not totally from carrying books. I think I'll take a rest from lugging tomorrow and having someone else do my bidding.
I had my first session with a new personal training client today. I'm too sleepy to go into details, but I will just say that I'm shocked at how warped my perception of "active" is. In my life, being "active" means doing aerial training 5-6 days a week, going to the gym in addition to that at least 4 days, and trying to walk/ride my bike/do pullups on my door bar as much as possible. For my client today, "active" sounds like a half hour session, two days a week. And no exercising on her own.
.
.
.
It just sort of blows my mind.
.
.
.
Anyways.
I wish I had the energy to write. Maybe tomorrow. I don't have clients until the afternoon, for any of the various jobs I'm working.
Showing posts with label WOMBATS bending update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WOMBATS bending update. Show all posts
Monday, March 17, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
What They Don't Tell You.
The WOMBATS told me that I'm up to 131 degrees. I should be ecstatic. Should be. But what they don't tell you about "getting your range of motion back" is that it doesn't really include getting the strength back, the flexibility back, and the OwPleaseStopPullingSoMuchWhat'sHappening feeling leaving any time soon. So, laying on my back, I can pull my own leg up (using just my battered hamstring) to about 126. Then I can pull it (semi-comfortably [though the word "comfortable" has a whole new meaning to me at the moment]) using my hands or scooting down towards it and today was at 131, with only mild STOPMkayTHANKS feelings. But how is that practical? I do mini-squats and my goddamn quad shakes like it's made of fucking jello or something. And my body looks like jello at the moment too, which I'm also not pleased about.
I can sort of walk properly (if I really work on BendHeelToeBendHeelToe), it kind of tries to hyper extend at certain moments, the hamstring attachment (that's the really hurty place that was inhibiting a lot of the bend last week) is still really irritated but now that they're sure that's what it is, Amy did some massage on it and that helped a Ton. There's a lot of pulling on the bottom of my quad, where one of the scars is. My chiropractor "talked" to my knee (no, seriously, I actually believe that he did. He also made some of the swelling go down somehow.) and said that "it's really bruised up...and really beaten up....but they did a really good job." Jesus H. Christ I hope it's true. And even if it's not, I just need to believe him anyways.
I can sort of walk properly (if I really work on BendHeelToeBendHeelToe), it kind of tries to hyper extend at certain moments, the hamstring attachment (that's the really hurty place that was inhibiting a lot of the bend last week) is still really irritated but now that they're sure that's what it is, Amy did some massage on it and that helped a Ton. There's a lot of pulling on the bottom of my quad, where one of the scars is. My chiropractor "talked" to my knee (no, seriously, I actually believe that he did. He also made some of the swelling go down somehow.) and said that "it's really bruised up...and really beaten up....but they did a really good job." Jesus H. Christ I hope it's true. And even if it's not, I just need to believe him anyways.
I have to go take a software proficiency test to be in the "temp" pool for The University that I'd like to get some part time hours out of. You know the other thing they don't tell you? They don't tell you that your MFA doesn't mean anything if you don't know how to make an Excel document. Sad, huh. Hopefully I'll know enough for the test. I got a part time position as a personal trainer (which I'd rather do SO MUCH MORE than temping) at a small clinic which I'm really excited about. I start that next week I think.
My brain is still foggy, I usually know what day it is but the fact that I have PT on M, W, F and I already had it once this week helps me to remember that "oh, it must be Wednesday." I can't remember times of appointments that I made or what I need to do today or tomorrow or how long I slept or anything. Hormones or the last dregs of vicodin leaving my system. Who knows.
So what do you do when someone asks you what you want for your birthday and really the only answer is "my old normal life back".
Great now I'm crying.
I guess some stuff for my new apartment would be nice too. That answer scares people away a little bit less.
Here are pictures from today, 3 weeks (actually, 3 weeks and 1 day) after ACL surgery. It doesn't even look like anything fucking happened. I've had rope burns 10 times worse that the stupid like scratches on my leg. Lame. I wish it felt as good on the inside as it looks on the outside (except for the pale fatty thing going on. Ignore that.)
In the photo below, the little diagonal mark above my knee cap is the place that pulls a lot. Methinks that's where they had to go through the muscle to get to bone and crap. But who the hell knows. It's still a bit swollen. The 2 little up and down marks (actually they're all "X"s but the cross part healed completely already) are right on the sides/on the knee cap. So yeah. Still sort of swollen up on that QuadBump.
Monday, March 10, 2008
The Breakup.
I lost my boyfriend today. He was just rented. A temporary. If I had a lot of money I'd buy one and get married. Sadness, I know. But he'll keep some other girl (or guy [?]) company after their leg surgery. Oh how I'll miss his freezing cold hugs, his soft outer layer, his medium pressure massage setting, and the soft purr lulling me away for an hour at a time. Hopefully, I'll never have to see him again (even though I loved him so.) (The link doesn't have a photo of the actual cuff part of the thing. Just the "body" of it, so to speak. It has a long black tube [I should quit while I'm ahead] attached to a big rectangular thing. You can look it up if you'd like.)
123 today. As Amy says "it's gettin' there". The Bend of 2008 is getting harder the closer I get to "full ROM". Full my ass. Until I can hang by one leg again and bring my heel to my butt there's going to be no talk of "full" anything. ::sings the Trying To Stay Positive song:: (whatever that may be.) It's so weird. I felt like today it was bending so much farther. Meh. I started on the stationary bike today. That was weird and cool. I couldn't put it on a setting and I had to pedal so slowly that it kept on "pausing" itself and then re-setting. SCREW YOU YOU STUPID BIKE STOP ASSUMING SHIT ABOUT WHO'S SITTING ON YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW!!
Dumb bike. It doesn't know.
Last pieces of steri-strips got to come off today. The ones covering the "biggest" incision. It's the one with the dissolvable stitches (which I think are dissolved!) right below and to the inside corner of my knee. So crazy. ACL scars (and some are still like this apparently) use to leave you with a huge like, 5-6 inch long line down the middle of your knee. I could care less about scars, but it's interesting what they can do with all this "modern medicine".
Hoping for 130 or better for Wednesday. *fingers crossed*. My nurse cat just climbed into my lap, and I'm not even sitting in my bed. She's the greatest.
123 today. As Amy says "it's gettin' there". The Bend of 2008 is getting harder the closer I get to "full ROM". Full my ass. Until I can hang by one leg again and bring my heel to my butt there's going to be no talk of "full" anything. ::sings the Trying To Stay Positive song:: (whatever that may be.) It's so weird. I felt like today it was bending so much farther. Meh. I started on the stationary bike today. That was weird and cool. I couldn't put it on a setting and I had to pedal so slowly that it kept on "pausing" itself and then re-setting. SCREW YOU YOU STUPID BIKE STOP ASSUMING SHIT ABOUT WHO'S SITTING ON YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW!!
Dumb bike. It doesn't know.
Last pieces of steri-strips got to come off today. The ones covering the "biggest" incision. It's the one with the dissolvable stitches (which I think are dissolved!) right below and to the inside corner of my knee. So crazy. ACL scars (and some are still like this apparently) use to leave you with a huge like, 5-6 inch long line down the middle of your knee. I could care less about scars, but it's interesting what they can do with all this "modern medicine".
Hoping for 130 or better for Wednesday. *fingers crossed*. My nurse cat just climbed into my lap, and I'm not even sitting in my bed. She's the greatest.
Friday, March 7, 2008
One Twenty.
What's UP 120 degrees today!! Right on target (our goal this week, literally, was 120 degrees.)
Next week and a half I need to get to between 140-150. 145-150 would be total full range. Yikes. I guess it makes sense that every day feels like it goes to the "maximum". Because technically, it does. Just need to keep increasing the maximum, I guess.
I had an audition this morning for a military industrial film (think long commercial) where I had to play a clerk at a car place explaining the need for "extra focus while driving oversees". The script was so corney, but it was fun to do an on-camera. I don't get a lot of those.
I hate to admit it, but let's talk about America's Next Dance Crew for just a second. Uh, srsly? It's so good. I hate generally hate reality TV (like, I won't watch "Idol" or Big Bullshit...err...Brother or anything like that) but, as one of the hosts would say, "lyke, fa'reeel, ya'juss sick'n'fly. ya's haat." I'm rooting for Kaba Modern. I'm sure they're on YouTube. You should check them out.
Anyway. Knee Watch 2008 continues.
Next week and a half I need to get to between 140-150. 145-150 would be total full range. Yikes. I guess it makes sense that every day feels like it goes to the "maximum". Because technically, it does. Just need to keep increasing the maximum, I guess.
I had an audition this morning for a military industrial film (think long commercial) where I had to play a clerk at a car place explaining the need for "extra focus while driving oversees". The script was so corney, but it was fun to do an on-camera. I don't get a lot of those.
I hate to admit it, but let's talk about America's Next Dance Crew for just a second. Uh, srsly? It's so good. I hate generally hate reality TV (like, I won't watch "Idol" or Big Bullshit...err...Brother or anything like that) but, as one of the hosts would say, "lyke, fa'reeel, ya'juss sick'n'fly. ya's haat." I'm rooting for Kaba Modern. I'm sure they're on YouTube. You should check them out.
Anyway. Knee Watch 2008 continues.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Movie Moments.
Amy kicked my ass today. But I got to try walking without the immobilizer on, so that was sort of exciting. (strike that. it wasn't actually exciting) a step in the right direction. Then she used this torture device (it wasn't really...but it looked like one) called Ruissian Stim (stimulation) that used electrical impulses to contract my quad. Every time it contracted I had to flex my quad along with it. It's retraining the muscle to work properly, aparently. It felt like little creatures made of brillo pads trying to survive an earthquake on my skin. (Wow. Now there's a description for you.) It felt sort of weird/tickley/strange/not entirely pleasant but more confusingcouldn'treallyputmyfingeronitsocouldn'tdecideifithurtbutreallydidn't type of feeling.
We did a lot of bending stuff as usual. I need to get up to 120 degrees this week. Today I was at 112. Up 4 measley degrees from Monday. I guess it's better than staying the same or going down. It's coming along. She's very encouraging. She did some lottastretching of it today. Eeep. And Ouch.
I had forgotten my new sheet with a new set of exercises upstairs as I was getting into the car, so my mom ran up to get them for me. While I was sitting alone in the back seat (sideways, stupid immobilizer) I saw a shoelace sticking out of the back pocket of the seat next to me. I pulled on it and it was one of my old pairs of circus boots (the right foot, how ironic.)
I just sort of stared at it for a few minutes. Can't say I saw my life flash before my eyes because that would be entirely too melodramatic, but I did get the overwhelming image of everything I've ever put my (specifically) right leg through...very sort of movie-esque. Which is a slightly less dramatic way of saying it but not really.
I always have a sound track going in my head...I thought that everyone must until I one day mentioned it to someone and they used the words "crazy" and "goofball" and "what kinda" strung together in some sort of sentence but I don't really remember what it was because that song "Kryptonite" started playing. You know, the 3 Doors Down one. Anyway.
When I was looking at this shoe, I thought I'd hear "Turn Turn Turn" or something corney as hell like that. But I didn't really hear anything. Just sort of like...a breeze. Light wind. Maybe it's the vicodin. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe the moment was cinematic and full of enough dramatic irony and didn't need anything else to punctuate it.
At least I can trust my brain to not get too sappy on me.
We did a lot of bending stuff as usual. I need to get up to 120 degrees this week. Today I was at 112. Up 4 measley degrees from Monday. I guess it's better than staying the same or going down. It's coming along. She's very encouraging. She did some lottastretching of it today. Eeep. And Ouch.
I had forgotten my new sheet with a new set of exercises upstairs as I was getting into the car, so my mom ran up to get them for me. While I was sitting alone in the back seat (sideways, stupid immobilizer) I saw a shoelace sticking out of the back pocket of the seat next to me. I pulled on it and it was one of my old pairs of circus boots (the right foot, how ironic.)
I just sort of stared at it for a few minutes. Can't say I saw my life flash before my eyes because that would be entirely too melodramatic, but I did get the overwhelming image of everything I've ever put my (specifically) right leg through...very sort of movie-esque. Which is a slightly less dramatic way of saying it but not really.
I always have a sound track going in my head...I thought that everyone must until I one day mentioned it to someone and they used the words "crazy" and "goofball" and "what kinda" strung together in some sort of sentence but I don't really remember what it was because that song "Kryptonite" started playing. You know, the 3 Doors Down one. Anyway.
When I was looking at this shoe, I thought I'd hear "Turn Turn Turn" or something corney as hell like that. But I didn't really hear anything. Just sort of like...a breeze. Light wind. Maybe it's the vicodin. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe the moment was cinematic and full of enough dramatic irony and didn't need anything else to punctuate it.
At least I can trust my brain to not get too sappy on me.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Day 13.
Lucky 13. Or something.
108 degrees on the bend today.
I'm so over this damn immobilizer. I want to be able to drive again. I feel completely useless and leach-like. I want to relax. I don't feel like I really can.
Trying to have a good attitude. Trying to not be discouraged.
Trying.
108 degrees on the bend today.
I'm so over this damn immobilizer. I want to be able to drive again. I feel completely useless and leach-like. I want to relax. I don't feel like I really can.
Trying to have a good attitude. Trying to not be discouraged.
Trying.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Almost 2 Weeks.
It doesn't feel like it, but it's only been Almost 2 Weeks since Gnometenna Removal 2008. It feels like months. Feb 19th. It's now March 2nd. March. When the fuck did that happen?! Yeah. 12 days ago. That makes no sense to my poor brain.
Got out of the house last nigth with Auntie and Uncle, so that was really nice. Wore clothes that weren't sweat pants and felt a little bit more like a functioning member of society. Uncle used his built in gnomeometer skills and said that my bend is probably around 98 degrees. Cool. Small improvements. Though this morning I felt all tight and tired and there's this one spot that just hurts. I want to know what it is. Is is where the graft is attached? Is it the bone bruise? Is it a bumped hamstring tendon? What?!!? I wish I had X-Ray vision.
I got a package of awesome stuff from a friend in Cambridge, UK yesterday. Really made my day.
I'm sort of (*snort*. "sort of". right. how about "Big Time") in a cranky mood today. Exercises were difficult this morning and I'm worried about work (and the lack of doing it), I feel totally and completely Outta Sight Outta Mind with some important people in my life (though I've talked to a few people that I didn't expect to hear from, so that was nice), I can't drive anywhere (though honestly where would I go), and this rehab/recovery is feeling less and less "temporary" as the days go by. I know it is temporary, but I have all sorts of horrible feelings float in every so often of ohshitwhatifthisisn'ttemporaryican'tseetheforrestdangerdangerdanger. I just need a lot of encouragement I think. Maybe I haven't told people exactly how much I need. Maybe I should do that. Oh how I wish people could read my mind. I feel silly wishing that I would get hundreds (ok not hundreds.) of calls every day from people just checking in. "You're doing great" "Thinking about you" "Etc. Etc." Fact of the matter is I have had some of these calls which, again, is really nice. On Cranky Days the people who aren't around seem to push their way into my mind more. Unfortunately.
I love my theracane but it is not making my upper back feel much better. I feel like my shoulderblades are covered in rocks. I'm super thirsty but don't really want to drink anything, sort of hungry but I think I might just be bored, feel like I want to just go RUNNING but we know that that's not going to happen for a while, sort of on the edge of tears but "what's the point"...maybe a small case of the stir-crazies are setting in.
Maybe I'll start reading that book Kiersten sent. Though I'm not going to get paid for doing that. I never thought I'd say that I really wish I could drive into work today.
Got out of the house last nigth with Auntie and Uncle, so that was really nice. Wore clothes that weren't sweat pants and felt a little bit more like a functioning member of society. Uncle used his built in gnomeometer skills and said that my bend is probably around 98 degrees. Cool. Small improvements. Though this morning I felt all tight and tired and there's this one spot that just hurts. I want to know what it is. Is is where the graft is attached? Is it the bone bruise? Is it a bumped hamstring tendon? What?!!? I wish I had X-Ray vision.
I got a package of awesome stuff from a friend in Cambridge, UK yesterday. Really made my day.
I'm sort of (*snort*. "sort of". right. how about "Big Time") in a cranky mood today. Exercises were difficult this morning and I'm worried about work (and the lack of doing it), I feel totally and completely Outta Sight Outta Mind with some important people in my life (though I've talked to a few people that I didn't expect to hear from, so that was nice), I can't drive anywhere (though honestly where would I go), and this rehab/recovery is feeling less and less "temporary" as the days go by. I know it is temporary, but I have all sorts of horrible feelings float in every so often of ohshitwhatifthisisn'ttemporaryican'tseetheforrestdangerdangerdanger. I just need a lot of encouragement I think. Maybe I haven't told people exactly how much I need. Maybe I should do that. Oh how I wish people could read my mind. I feel silly wishing that I would get hundreds (ok not hundreds.) of calls every day from people just checking in. "You're doing great" "Thinking about you" "Etc. Etc." Fact of the matter is I have had some of these calls which, again, is really nice. On Cranky Days the people who aren't around seem to push their way into my mind more. Unfortunately.
I love my theracane but it is not making my upper back feel much better. I feel like my shoulderblades are covered in rocks. I'm super thirsty but don't really want to drink anything, sort of hungry but I think I might just be bored, feel like I want to just go RUNNING but we know that that's not going to happen for a while, sort of on the edge of tears but "what's the point"...maybe a small case of the stir-crazies are setting in.
Maybe I'll start reading that book Kiersten sent. Though I'm not going to get paid for doing that. I never thought I'd say that I really wish I could drive into work today.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Our Hero Takes A Shower. *edited*
Edit to add: The WOMBATS told me that I bent to 91 degrees today! Woot! (Yeah, it hurt, and took some warming up to get there. Not gunna lie.) Continuing to our regularly scheduled program:
In this episode, we join our hero after she's taken a shower and gotten more than just the top of her head wet (mom helped me wash my hair with the doggie shower attachment last week) for the first time since Gnome Removal Day 2008 (last Tuesday).
It was nice, and sort of weird to stand there without the immobilizer on. (Every time I type that word I think of a baby's mobile that sings little songs and spins around and around.) I couldn't bend my leg enough to clear the side of the tub so there was a lot of like, swinging it over and trying not to kill myself. I never imagined how useful those little shower and bathroom bar things were/could be until I actually thought "hey, this would be a lot easier with one of those shower bar things."
I also got all upset during said shower because my right calf does look considerably smaller, in just 1 week.. I haven't noticed it because I've only seen it sitting down straight out in front of me sort of smushed on the ground (which makes both look bigger anyways). Out of the immobilizer is was weird to see. I secretly really love my calf muscles. I know it'll come back (along with the definition in my quad) but it was just...weird. I pride myself on really knowing my body and it's been a strange week trying to like, learn a new language. It's my body, I get that...very little has changed...but I feel like it sort of got a crash course in some secret code that I was asleep for. Quite literally, asleep for. I'll learn it. And do a lot of calf raises when I can.
PT in a few. I should put on something besides shorts and a t-shirt. I wish it would stop being so damn cold outside.
In this episode, we join our hero after she's taken a shower and gotten more than just the top of her head wet (mom helped me wash my hair with the doggie shower attachment last week) for the first time since Gnome Removal Day 2008 (last Tuesday).
It was nice, and sort of weird to stand there without the immobilizer on. (Every time I type that word I think of a baby's mobile that sings little songs and spins around and around.) I couldn't bend my leg enough to clear the side of the tub so there was a lot of like, swinging it over and trying not to kill myself. I never imagined how useful those little shower and bathroom bar things were/could be until I actually thought "hey, this would be a lot easier with one of those shower bar things."
I also got all upset during said shower because my right calf does look considerably smaller, in just 1 week.. I haven't noticed it because I've only seen it sitting down straight out in front of me sort of smushed on the ground (which makes both look bigger anyways). Out of the immobilizer is was weird to see. I secretly really love my calf muscles. I know it'll come back (along with the definition in my quad) but it was just...weird. I pride myself on really knowing my body and it's been a strange week trying to like, learn a new language. It's my body, I get that...very little has changed...but I feel like it sort of got a crash course in some secret code that I was asleep for. Quite literally, asleep for. I'll learn it. And do a lot of calf raises when I can.
PT in a few. I should put on something besides shorts and a t-shirt. I wish it would stop being so damn cold outside.
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